Are ya’ll Checking In?
A few months have passed and you and your partner are going through the notions of life. You both work full time, you have a kid or multiple kids, they’re in sports and you have multiple businesses and hobbies that you both are into. Life is super busy. However you and your partner are rocking and rolling. Well… until you're not. One stressful day causes an unnecessary and petty argument and next thing you know y'all are both in pissy moods. After a few hours of going back and forth, you uncover the true issue. One of you have a lot going on at work, which ultimately has heightened their irritability.. And ultimately triggered this disagreement.
This.. This right here is why checking in with your partner is so important. It is so easy to go through the notions of life without addressing those small, subtle stressors and to downplay them as “not that big of a deal.” It is so easy to get into a rhythm with your spouse, where everything is running like a well oiled machine so why bring up stress from work when home is fine, right? For some of us, not discussing these stressors can give us the illusion that everything in our lives and our partners life is fine. However, when we don’t discuss these things they tend to pile up.
By having a heart to heart conversations with your spouse, in a space free of retaliation and judgement, it can allow both parties to be vulnerable and ultimately make for better communication throughout your relationship. It can also prevent some of those small petty disagreements that arise when life is just a little overwhelming.
If you and your partner can relate to this message, and are not intentional about Checking In with one another give it a try and let us know how it goes.
Malcom & Marie: A Black Love Story
After 3 days we finally finished Malcolm & Marie and I can honestly say it was a good movie. It was exhausting at times and I fell asleep on it twice, however the authenticity of it reminded me of the many nuances of Black Love.
Throughout the entire movie I kept telling Geramey, “this movie will be worth the watch if they apologize and learn,” and by the end you see that happening. The realities they faced are real. Real life situations that people go through. Due to our past traumas individually, as well as ‘a people’, sometimes that is how our love looks. That doesn’t make the love any less real.
The beauty of the movie is found at the very end when they finally get to the root of the issue and he apologizes. It’s in that moment that they can finally work to heal.
Of course it’s ideal to enter relationships completely healed from past traumas but honestly it isn’t always realistic. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re traumatized from past experiences until you are triggered by something that occurs in your relationship. Sometimes you don’t realize the magnitude of your trauma until you are triggered by obstacles you and your partner face.
So yes it was toxic. Yes it was overwhelming. It was also raw and authentic. It was also the reality of so many folks who end up having beautiful 20/30 year marriages. Shits not always easy, but learning and growing past the obstacles is what makes it worth while.